Winter

I remember when I wanted to be

Anything and everything somehow,

A dreamer with lofty aspirations,

A vision of myself I held on to so tightly.

But as I grew older, I began to wonder,

Was that truly me or am I different now?

The wires in my brain are short circuiting again,

And I feel myself slipping on black ice.

Still, I feel I don’t need any help,

Even when I really do,

I receive and forget advice,

Why can’t I just listen to you?

Why does it take so long for words

To sink into my brain?

Why can’t I see how much I lose

And how little I gain?

Days seem like seconds,

They jump back and forth like a game,

And I wonder why I’ve made myself this way,

Why am I so strange?

There are things I need to do,

Like learning how to talk,

And how to crawl before I walk.

But it feels like the world is moving too fast,

And I’m stuck, unable to get past.

When winter came along so dark and blue,

It never left my body, never withdrew,

And I find myself trapped in this mental haze,

The fog that clouds my mind, every single day.

I long to be able to see things clearly,

To know where I stand and what I feel deeply.

To find my place in this confusing world,

And know that I’m not as lost as I may seem.

But for now, I’ll hold on to the hope,

That someday I’ll figure out how to cope.

With this winter inside me so dark and blue

But maybe someday this winter will leave my view