The Painful Confrontation

I have learned to romanticize my trembling lips

Filled my life with sayings that were always empty, to begin with

If I can romanticize the ashes then the fire won't burn

Not in this version of the story

Not on this side of the axis

I will be okay, I loved the darkness

I have already won the battle

There is no mess to deal with if you call the mess art

But the truth always comes out

This time it came with a bang

I tried to stop the bleeding, hold the fire

But this time it burned

I had managed to convince myself that life was a movie

No source of pain was ever real

Nothing should hurt me if nothing really matters

If i did not really exist the pain should pass right through me

But i do exist

And it hurts to

I do not enjoy living as much as I enjoy pretending

What do I do now that reality has confronted me?

Which version of myself bleeds?

How do I exit the truth and enter the lie again?

The fairytale, the romanticized winter inside me?

The version of the story where I survive and the cold doesn't sting

Where the weight on my back is carried gracefully without damaging my spine

Where the past was just a chapter that ended the moment I flipped the page

But reality does not work that way,

In reality, I can feel my spine bend and break

I can feel the past lingering in the corner of every room

The cold stings and the air is sharp

I want to keep on pretending, I had almost managed to convince myself

That my fairytale was a reality

But you can not live life in a story

And therefore I am not sure I want to live at all