Oh, Mother

How can I mourn for someone who caused me such pain?

This paradox within me drives me insane.

I try to push it away, to suppress and deny,

But the absence of her presence causes tears to dry.

Perhaps it's the hope of what could have been,

The dream of a connection that was never seen.

Or maybe it's the fear of what life could have held,

If she had been different if she had been well.

I ponder on the memories that never were,

The words of love and support I never heard.

It's a constant battle and a never-ending fight,

To reconcile the darkness of her with the flicker of light.

So to the mother I lost but never really knew,

I still grieve your absence and what we could have pursued.

I lay down these feelings, release them, and let them go,

With the hope that one day, my heart will finally know.

It's a pain that lingers, an ache that never fades,

A wound that may never heal, but a memory that will never fade.

But in my mourning, I also find a way to heal,

To find forgiveness and a glimmering hope that makes me feel.

Hope that someday, maybe, she might see the light,

And I can find peace in my heart, knowing we did everything right.

For now, I'll mourn for the love I never received,

But hold onto the truth that I am still deeply believed.

Believed in by those who love me and help me thrive,

Those who show me what a real mother's love can be like.

For in the end, we are all just human,

Flawed and imperfect, but still worth cherishing.

So I'll mourn, but I'll also forgive,

And find peace in the life I choose to live.